Discipline

Today was much like most of my most dreadful ones. I learned that my nephew decided to state, in a written apology to a neighbor, that he had hatred for me. Why? Because he had been using her computer to access mature web sites and eBay. She became upset and banned him from her household. Previously, he had reconfigured their computer and crashed the system. He had been told not to use their computer but was allowed the use the computers in our home with supervision His apology included blaming her son and I for his misdeed. After all, why didn't her son remind him that he wasn't supposed to use the computer since the last time he corrupted the files. And I was to blame because he said that he could not use my computer because we had issues and of course he had hatred for me.

I'm not sure how to react, except with sadness and wonder. Misdeeds are treated with punishments that befit the offense. Is it right to hate the disciplinarian and blame your situation on others? When does accountability come into play. I knew that when I did something wrong, my Mom would find out and, oh boy, I would remember not to do that again.

I remember having various thoughts of how my Mom was wrong and how could she know what it was like to be a child. Yes, the world hate passed through my trembling lips from time to time. But I secretly knew that I was the one to blame. I would cry out to my Father about what had happened and he would ask, "What did you do?" Regretfully, I would tell him and he would say, "Well there you go.....".

I purchased a book titled Discipline Without Stress. Great book, but it went on to describe that the child must admit responsibilty for their actions. Once that occurs, the individual can then be led to a path which can change the behavior. An example was a child who was assigned to detention. The child became attuned to detention and began to think of it as something he could do standing on his head. He had not come to grips that the reason for his detention was for a misdeed or unwanted behavior.

Thus I am at an impass, punishments are viewed as unnecessary and just being mean. The acts of lying, stealing, and disrespect are not viewed as a problem by my nephew. He does not admit nor apologizes. So what does an exasperated guardian do? Off to counseling and the book store to find another method/program to learn how to interact with the youth of today.